hungry
for physical food, for spiritual food...
SATURDAY: slept in the morning till i needed to go for the WOC meeting at 11am. wow, that meeting felt like it was weeks ago. anywayz, got to talk lot of rot to Bryan Chua. yeah, he's been a realy good bud. the perth mission trip must've done him some good.
then, went to church for MTM, suppposed to be from 3-6, but... it was a time of intensive prayer, and i was gonna fall asleep, so i left for work first (where i didn't fall asleep. that makes me a hypocrite).
WONDERFUL day of work! got to be friendly with customers, got a good large crowd, got to feel the adrenaline from making drinks and rushing orders ASAP... just like at the north canal branch =) i luv my work so much that i wanna go tmrw to work, even though i have no shift. the only thing bad about it is this: God has disappeared from my life. but i do give my best at work without any complaints... well, this i gotta work out with God. work work work. good night.
SamWise2000 [3/19/2005 08:01:00 AM]
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I lost my WISDOM!
TEETH =)
didn't blog for 2 days, cuz i slept over at kit's place.
THURSDAY: erm, had work at settlers, 2-6pm. had dinner date with Ryan, Joel, Alvin and Kit Ling. so, had to rush from work, and "miss the action". 20 people reservation *drools* but mike and Mabel did fine without me... they had really good reviews from customers =D
then had dinner at cartel at PS. wanted to make a point that the first time i went there, this teacher tried to hit on me... but no one was listening =) i just let it pass by. then we walked around PS, and then went over to Kit's place, with intention of listening to "Apologetix" songs. they rock! they really do. parodies of songs with a twist. then we played mahjong. ya know, hanging out with the 3 NS guys, i felt s*******... for once. good feeling. then friday came. left for home to prepare for...
FRIDAY: had the dental operation in the morning. painless procedure, cuz of the painkillers... until 1 hour later. waited 1 hour in immense. but it all ended once in the cafe. to keep my stitched up gums clean, i insisted i did everything with a draw. i DRANK soup, i DRANK stew =)
i feel... different. am i losing my emotions? pouring out into this blog till i have none left? strange new state of mind.
SamWise2000 [3/18/2005 08:56:00 AM]
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out of sight, out of mind
ain't it the case? like, I haven't seen Darren in ages, and I've had zero contact with him through sms. so, i'm much more at peace now, not so bothered.
ok... this is supposed to be the entry for yesterday.
WEDNESDAY: slacked around in the morning, then left for JP, and ended buying... nothing. sheesh. there weren't any good final fantasy posters at comix connection. but i did pre-order Final Fantasy: Advent Children *SUPER BIG GRIN*. also saw a preview on their tv screens. super cool... wanted to see Yuffie, but all they showed was her weapon =p
then, i went to work, anticpating (in the wrong way, unfortunately) the arrival of future full-time staff Jase... which didn't turn out so bad. he's a really pleasant person. a pro with the drinks tray. also had this customer, Qi Yang, who i got to explain games to, which was fun. he's a nice guy too.
came home and watched "the amazing race", then AMI4. who would i like to see in the top 3? Nadia Turner, Carrie Underwood and Anwar Robinson. Lindsey sang my favourite song!! =D
I give her props for that! but she's still not performing to standard. i like all the gals, actually. except Jessica Sierra. what's with the sleazy image?
by the way, Man Fai actually replied my msgs, and he even joked about it. he's back. yay.
SamWise2000 [3/16/2005 04:30:00 PM]
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are you happy now?
i'm not. neither are many of the people i meet, except those at work.
after dental in the morning, went to search for Daniel at Borders, which was harder than i thought. in the end, i couldn't find him, i rushed back towork, Brian gave me a call. somehow... I feel like i know Brian and Daniel really well. I can guess how they sound like. perhaps it's cuz i can really identify with their character, and their experiences.
went to work at settlers, 1.30pm to 10pm.
i decided to sms Man Fai and say "I'm sorry. just sorry. really". i don't anything in return, cuz I really am sorry, and i shouldn't expect his forgivefulness for all the bad things i've done.
chatted with Derrel. to me, he's a strange kid. or i'm just not chatty enough to strike a meaningful conversation with him. i just feel that he's bright, but wasting his life away. to touch his life, to let God touch his life, i must first let God touch my life. (haha! a personal challenge to know God!)
chatted with mich. yeah, thirst for God. i really thank God for such an understanding sister-in-christ. don't know why i sprouted all the nonsense about being "tired of living" to her, but eventually, i did learn this: God makes use of dry experiences in our lives and calls us back to him. that is thirsting for God's Word. it's been a long time since i've felt the Word in a real and personal way.
yup, i was inspired. but inspiration doesn't last long in the hands of Samuel. it has to be converted to HABITS and APLLIED TRUTH
SamWise2000 [3/15/2005 07:16:00 AM]
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guys can be so messed up
myself included. freak. i'm still a "pristine boy with a phillistine soul".
it's been a day since yesterday. in the morning, i was surfing the net and found this super cool Avril song. about "things i'll never say". am i really wishing myself away, with "things i'll never say"?
[Verse 2]
It don't do me any good
It's just a waste of time
What use is it to you, what's on my mind?
If it ain't comin' out
We're not goin' anywhere
So why can't I just tell you that I care?
'Cuz I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
'Cuz I know you're worth it...you're worth it...yeah
[Chorus]
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I want to blow you... away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down on one knee...
Marry me today!
Guess I'm wishing my life away...
With these things I'll never saythen i went to work. had 2 tables full of customers. yay.
overall, a EMPTY and MEANINGLESS day. God's drawing me back to him. I'm totally dry and thirsty... that's how i'm feeling spiritually.
can't wait to see Daniel and Brian in person. have so much to tell Brian.
SamWise2000 [3/14/2005 07:22:00 AM]
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Alone. Again. Argh!
hi blog. it's time to be depressed and depressing again.
SATURDAY: went to settlers HV from 1.30pm to 6pm. my idea for a publicity stunt where we would place a table in the middle of holland V, play games, and pass flyers, was refused. *sigh*
later, rushed to Clement's house for dinner. good dinner, good time of chatting with the other 7 guys. made crepes with chocolate sauce, as a gesture to those leaving the country soon, like Clement, Yan and John. but i got calls from "him", asking me to check my blood for any STDs, and he had to take care of my other drunk friend. got me super worried, emotional... couldn't think of anything else but my drunk friend and Darren. good thing Darren took good care of him, at Marcus' house.
SUNDAY: wore formal clothes to church. yeah, i may have looked nice outside, but on the inside, spiritually, i was dying. the spiritually discerning twins, Jason and Samuel, came up to me on separate occassions, both asking about my spiritual low. it's amazing how they can tell. it's an amazing gift from God: Discernment. Sam encouraged me by saying i should let go of the guilt, Jason said he'll pray for me. wonderful.
met Man Fai later for the treetop walk, where Darren and Man Fai had so much fun. unfortunately, i dind't find it much fun, and i complained, and jeopardized our friendship. again. he told me about Marcus and all, and he sounds like a really cool guy. but Man Fai, for the second time, said, "i hate you. i don't want to see you again".
you think I can take it? i'm undergoing enough emotional stress as it is. How am i to live with myself? knowing that Man Fai won't be there for me? that i can't ask him for help when it comes to helping Darren??? how? how? will Man Fai still arrange for me to meet Marcus????
God may seem far away now. in fact, i think i'm ignoring him, believeing that he can't help me feel any better. i'm gonna mope and break down in my room now.
SamWise2000 [3/13/2005 03:31:00 AM]
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