Freakin' Hell
my language... my thoughts... they're getting more coarse... someone stop me...
Saturday: the day i freaked out, where my head got messed around with, where i said "you're treating me like crap", where he actually replied, where Man Fai came over to the cafe to play stuff, where i had to stay till 11pm at the cafe to teach a group of working adults cashflow (it's freaky. like, i have to teach them this complex business game, and i'm giving them financial advice and stuff. made me feel so old =p).
well, Darren darren darren. maybe i am obsessed. good thing there's work to keep my mind off the issues. but what if i'm not working? hmmm... God God God =)
SamWise2000 [3/05/2005 08:10:00 AM]
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I'd do anything (ya know, that simple plan song?)
"didn't expect it. but it happened anyway."
"what happened to you?"
"the A-levels happened to me."
"oh, like, how bad was it?"
"bad. interestingly, i have the exact same grades as Bryan Chua =p"
after that, Man Fai came over. *sigh* we had similar results. another lost case. lost, cuz, we're not sure what our future holds. limited choices now. then, ya, went to that "rabbit brand" diner for dinner, which is near the strudel place (with cheap pastries), then to settlers myself. teaching games is such a joy =)
tomorrow's the day/night of reckoning...
SamWise2000 [3/04/2005 08:09:00 AM]
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To love somebody
Went out to Settlers cafe, north canal, to meet Man Fai. on the way, something better happened. Darren had an off-day today and wanted to meet me AND man fai. God has really answered our prayers, though i didn't want to believe it at first. comes to show how small my faith in God is. nonetheless, GOD IS GREAT!
so, yar, played games at settlers, then met Darren at Raffles place. he drives. wow =p then we had dinner at a soon-to-be-torn-down hawker centre near tiong bahru. then we went to man fai's favourite hang-out: the bridge above the singapore river, to chat and stuff. then Darren left, leaving us to talk on the 30th floor of some super tall HDB block.
so much has gone on. but I've learnt stuff that i do not wish to forget, so i'll write them down here =)
1. Must be thankful to God for a friend like Darren, and ESPECIALLY for Man Fai, who has been the one who's been God's voice to me, giving me good advice, for being such good support.
2. Be persistant in prayer. there is power in intercessory prayer. don't just pray for 5 minutes. 20 minutes for Darren!
3. God speaks. He can't be silenced. You may not hear him now, but ask! ask! ask! he'll speak to you through his Spirit in ways unimaginable.
learnt so much more about Darren. must not give up on him, though.
SamWise2000 [3/03/2005 06:06:00 AM]
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shameless self promotion. gotta love it =)
today was uneventful again. played kingdom hearts, watched Samurai X, watched American Idol. had a really good time jogging with Boon Hwee around Holland v.
here's who i wanna see for the top 12 of AMI:
Aloha Mischeaux (she can sing. she's a good performer)
Amanda Avila (she picked my favourite song!!! Turn the beat around!!!)
Carrie Underwood (love her, love her, love her! soulful country gal)
Lindsey Cardinale (young and sweet. she may not be good now, but she'll shine later)
Mikalah Gordon (lots of personality+ lots of style, the ultimate combo)
Nadia Turner (female rocker, risk-taker, gotta love her. cute bunny teeth)
Vonzell Solomon (She's fun.
Anthony Fedorov (*gasp*! after he sang "i want to know what love is", i dl the song)
Anwar Robinson (original, crystal clear voice)
David Brown (he can sing. so there.)
Joseph Murena (i like his voice. something new to AMI)
Mario Vazquez (he can sing. cool. but he'll lose out cuz of his air of pride)
Travis Tucker (he's sweet, quite the charmer)
I miss Judd and Belinda. Judd "plays a mean Kazoo" =p
ain't it a bit too early to air the amazing race? very interesting team combinations. this amazing race is a MUST WATCH. honestly, i'd like to see Rob/Amber win, but they've been a bit too cocky. it's anyone's game. except for the boyfriends. *bleah*
SamWise2000 [3/02/2005 06:11:00 AM]
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I'm tired.
my blog entries are getting shorter and shorter. yes, i'm getting tired of blogging. i'm getting tired of living. tired of living a life with so many wrong cravings and desires. tired of not being able to lead a "normal" life. just tired
so, there's really nothing much to say, except that Boon Hwee came over, we talked, and talked, and swam, then talked, till 4pm, when i had training at settlers.
throught he talks, i realised how absolutely WEAK-WILLED i am. i'm evil. find it really hard to stop myself. trying to forget the bad things i did to Darren. will God save Darren? in his Sovereignty, will he?
playing kingdom hearts: chain of memories now =) helps me to forget all this rubbish.
SamWise2000 [3/01/2005 06:46:00 AM]
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Using bad for good?
MONDAY: didn't plan anything today. Man Fai came, along with a whole day's worth of activities.
had lunch, then we talked the whole afternoon. then had dinner at Brekko. haha, they have really good ice-cream smoothie-like drinks, good sundaes too.
all the startling revelations in the afternoon caused me to zonk out instantly once i returned home from holland V =p
SamWise2000 [2/28/2005 04:51:00 PM]
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Thank You God
SATURDAY: went to Yi Da's house to play PS2 games. best game tehre: mystic heroes. it's cute =)
then, i rushed over to settlers cafe, thinking i was late, but became 1 and a half hours early =p anyway, stayed there till 8pm, playing games non-stop. it's a gamer's dream come through. it just gave me a bad headache -_-
went home, and got a treat: Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories. ULTRA GOOD GAME!!! played till 1am. which was a mistake. i slept during sermon. again.
SUNDAY: one of the most emotional days of my life. Darren was supposed to go to church. but in the end, he said he didn't want to go. that got me worried throughout church. as i said, i slept agian during sermon. for, like, the 4th consecutive times. things have to change.
LAN-ed with Alex, Evan, Jeremy, Eugene and Joseph. got trashed, 2 kills-29 deaths. afer that, rushed to settlers for work. finally got to play a full game of "Citadels" =D
the whole day, i sms-ed Darren like a madman, sending an insane number of messages, getting few replies. eventually, we met at AMK MRT station at 9pm. my agenda: see his face, pass him a Bible (so that he'll have a chance to read it, to let God work through his heart). In the End: he refused the Bible, threatened to leave, but later decided to, in a very unexpected manner, watch the 9.30pm show for "white noise". honestly, it's quite an interesting horror movie.
"so, like, when can we meet again? next week"
"never. just keep it simple. let's just be friends" *gives pat on the back*
Now our friendship has been left in a precarious position. he could leave anytime, causing me to suffer emotionally. i don't wanna lose him as a friend. he's been really nice, he's been like a brother to me. he's a person i'll never forget. I've lost too many friends already.
after that whole night's experience, b4 going to sleep, i started pondering, and pondering. cried myself to sleep thinking:
Darren, Darren, Darren... i don't want you to remain lost forever, lost forever to sin. that'll mean i won't see you in heaven.
God is in control. I care so much for his lost soul. God cares more about him than i ever can.
Amazing love, how can it be, that thou my God shoulst die for me.
SamWise2000 [2/27/2005 05:50:00 PM]
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