This was a big day for me. I should not have let myself down so much. (It's amazing how much reflection can be done in the shower)
I am not a let-down. I do not have a skill that earns little profits.
What i DO have, is a skill that not many possess, that many others wish to possess but don't. Yes i may not have the management experience / prowess needed, but in THIS market, labour is in demand. MY skills and knowledge are in demand.
And apparently, I have reached a state where I am fighting for time. I fight by watching it pass by. How is that possible? Why do I let myself get defeated so easily? Why wait until night time to feel pumped?
Nonetheless, I should be happy. Happy that I avoided an outcome worse than what I could possibly face now (which would have been disappointment and failure)
SamWise2000 [3/10/2015 10:50:00 PM]
******
There is this sick feeling. The feeling of wanting to know people that are inaccessible.
And in Drop Dead Diva, there came that famous line, where "it's better to regret doing something, than to regret not doing it".
As a changed man who knows what he wants, I should still chase after my BIG GOALS. And remind myself of them day after day.
To make $3k a month, $107 a day.
Who is J to me :
The Seven of Swords asks you to be very cautious and wary so that you do not become a victim of someone else’s deception, betrayal, cheating and false motives
The Nine of Pentacles can indicate a time of restraint, poise and grace. This is a time when you need to carry yourself with grace and refinement, and to be tactful and diplomatic in your dealings with others.
What I should do about J :
The Knight of Cups brings a warning about getting too caught up in fantasy and the romanticism of life.
Business! Nothing can hold me back (I have felt held back), if I start writing out my goals, and working towards them =)
SamWise2000 [1/26/2015 10:43:00 PM]
******
Pre work thoughts
So I wen for a briefing 1 week before my 1st day of work.
So I wen for a briefing 1 week before my 1st day of work.
And a strange familiar feeling stirred inside of me.
The feeling of being told what to do.
Was it anguish? Nerves? Resentment? Just because I didn't want to be tied down by the rules of others? (Though they be better than me). Why did I long for the feeling of being "in charge"?
But ultimately, I made that decision, based on
1) extra pay of $300
2) good working hours
3) it's a place to learn from others
4) way better location
So yup. My avenue for control shall be dessert galleria. At dessert cup I shall just stay there and grow to be a better patisserie.
SamWise2000 [5/27/2013 07:27:00 PM]
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The past
So, if I'm always stuck in the past, and since my past gets longer every second, wouldn't I be stuck in some endless cycle of looking back and never really moving forward?
Yeah sure looking back at old photos makes me wanna relive those awesome moments I had in the past. But that will not be helping my future.
So as I move towards the future, I guess I will be swimming in a pool of memories that gets deeper and deeper.
Is that the way one should live?
So, if I'm always stuck in the past, and since my past gets longer every second, wouldn't I be stuck in some endless cycle of looking back and never really moving forward?
Yeah sure looking back at old photos makes me wanna relive those awesome moments I had in the past. But that will not be helping my future.
So as I move towards the future, I guess I will be swimming in a pool of memories that gets deeper and deeper.
Is that the way one should live?
SamWise2000 [4/21/2013 09:43:00 AM]
******
WTF moments
There was this one time in secondary 1, when I had to write a narrative that could be posted at the school atrium for display. I did two drafts, and for the third draft, I printed it in nice font and all. And when presented to my English teacher, she said, "you were supposed to improve the content, not just the presentation". And so my essay didn't go on the board. Just like that.
I consider that a WTF moment, because, being the young naive lad I was, I wanted to be obedient and just took things as they were, even though messy questions were floating through my mind. "did I not work hard enough for it?" "is it really not good enough?" "why weren't your instructions not clear enough?"
And till now, many of such moments have been etched into my life, moulding me to the person I am now : low self esteem, over obedient, afraid to stand up for myself.
It's odd that I'm recalling a memory from 13 years old when I'm already 27. Things have changed, while many things still stay the same.
There was this one time in secondary 1, when I had to write a narrative that could be posted at the school atrium for display. I did two drafts, and for the third draft, I printed it in nice font and all. And when presented to my English teacher, she said, "you were supposed to improve the content, not just the presentation". And so my essay didn't go on the board. Just like that.
I consider that a WTF moment, because, being the young naive lad I was, I wanted to be obedient and just took things as they were, even though messy questions were floating through my mind. "did I not work hard enough for it?" "is it really not good enough?" "why weren't your instructions not clear enough?"
And till now, many of such moments have been etched into my life, moulding me to the person I am now : low self esteem, over obedient, afraid to stand up for myself.
It's odd that I'm recalling a memory from 13 years old when I'm already 27. Things have changed, while many things still stay the same.
SamWise2000 [4/14/2013 07:35:00 AM]
******
How to be a Heartbreaker
Being Judgmental.
Speaking without caring about the person's heart.
Making your loved one feel demoralised instead of feeling loved.
Seriously, what kind of loving relationship is that?
Now, speaking lesser to show support.
Now, always worrying it may all fall apart.
If I could, I would have broke up with myself.
Being Judgmental.
Speaking without caring about the person's heart.
Making your loved one feel demoralised instead of feeling loved.
Seriously, what kind of loving relationship is that?
Now, speaking lesser to show support.
Now, always worrying it may all fall apart.
If I could, I would have broke up with myself.
SamWise2000 [3/21/2013 06:44:00 PM]
******
I am human
I am a finite human being. There is only so much I can do in 24 hours. I am given 24 hours just like everyone else. How I use it determines how fare against other people.
I am a finite human being. There is only so much I can do in 24 hours. I am given 24 hours just like everyone else. How I use it determines how fare against other people.
SamWise2000 [3/20/2013 06:31:00 AM]
******
SATURDAY! AWESOME DAY!
why why why? cuz i was wearing sunday underwear on a saturday!!
ok. not true. it's cuz, it's cuz... i saw DANIEL!!!!
in the morning, Edi was supposed to come over. he said he overslept. fine. meant more time for me to slack, catch sleep, stuff. then met brian to pass him the ps2 to play, then met clem and john.
Shopping with them... good stuff. but, as i said above above, see see, the cool part was that i saw DANIEL! at the yamaha shop, where he was going to have lessons. i asked him about church. it was FCBC. going fro 5 months. army friend brought him there. wish could talk with him, but, ya, we just said we'll meet next time, with Jing Jie. he's a christian! WOOT! waiting for dad to be less objectionable, then he'll get baptised. serious stuff. yeah!
then went shopping all over plaza sing. first time i willingly let myself stroll aroudn the place aimlessly. looking for christmas gift mah. howEVER...
total spent on myself ~ $35 (15 on stuff, 20 on manhattan dinner)
total spent on gifts for others ~ $10
mission failed? maybe. i could help it! had this cool food magazine... had to buy... had cool chocolate layered crepe cake thingie on cover... with COOL RECIPES!
so, ya, then watched open season. AS expected, plot didn't hold strong. but HEY, they had funny rabids! and porcupine.
then, went to brian's place. and left in the morning. now i'm here, with some strange inspiration to jot my thoughts down after almost 2 years. goodness.
BEWARE when the porcupine says, "Bu-ddyyyyyyy..."
why why why? cuz i was wearing sunday underwear on a saturday!!
ok. not true. it's cuz, it's cuz... i saw DANIEL!!!!
in the morning, Edi was supposed to come over. he said he overslept. fine. meant more time for me to slack, catch sleep, stuff. then met brian to pass him the ps2 to play, then met clem and john.
Shopping with them... good stuff. but, as i said above above, see see, the cool part was that i saw DANIEL! at the yamaha shop, where he was going to have lessons. i asked him about church. it was FCBC. going fro 5 months. army friend brought him there. wish could talk with him, but, ya, we just said we'll meet next time, with Jing Jie. he's a christian! WOOT! waiting for dad to be less objectionable, then he'll get baptised. serious stuff. yeah!
then went shopping all over plaza sing. first time i willingly let myself stroll aroudn the place aimlessly. looking for christmas gift mah. howEVER...
total spent on myself ~ $35 (15 on stuff, 20 on manhattan dinner)
total spent on gifts for others ~ $10
mission failed? maybe. i could help it! had this cool food magazine... had to buy... had cool chocolate layered crepe cake thingie on cover... with COOL RECIPES!
so, ya, then watched open season. AS expected, plot didn't hold strong. but HEY, they had funny rabids! and porcupine.
then, went to brian's place. and left in the morning. now i'm here, with some strange inspiration to jot my thoughts down after almost 2 years. goodness.
BEWARE when the porcupine says, "Bu-ddyyyyyyy..."
SamWise2000 [12/09/2006 03:50:00 PM]
******
Wanna make a comeback, with this simple-to-paste html text
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width="200" height="100" border="0">
,
Which FF Character Are You?
target="_blank">
width="200" height="100" border="0">,
Which FF Character Are You?
SamWise2000 [1/14/2006 06:12:00 PM]
******
a badly remembered 1st 2 weeks of BMT
soon to come, a badly remembered 3rd, 4th, 6th, 7th, 8th and 9th week of BMT. ya, will be taking my time to blog it.
1.
2.
3. 3 hour break till b4 lights out??? welfare MAN =p
4. 1 hour break, 1215-1315. orientation run
5. 2100-2230 -> watched "spanglish" =)
6. ceremony. stood really still really long.
7. weapon strip/assembly. fun.
8. went to medical centre for fungus treatment. best 2.4 time: 10:50
9. 45 minutes admin time =)
10.D-Day has arrived. Jerris new platoon i/c. AGR. andy's H/P gone. Route March (RM)
11.1 hour siesta, 2 hours admin time b4 lights out =D
12.sat together with Alex at LT. 84 pushups???
13.Poncho vs. grounsheet =) the "discipline" prayer
14.bad route march
15."crazy 1km run wuth gun and SBO"
16.
17.confinement's OVER! =)
ya, that's how roughly the 1st 2 weeks ended. took note of all the admin time, to show how slack scorpion comany is =p only took note of interesting things, not the training and all that.
soon to come, a badly remembered 3rd, 4th, 6th, 7th, 8th and 9th week of BMT. ya, will be taking my time to blog it.
1.
2.
3. 3 hour break till b4 lights out??? welfare MAN =p
4. 1 hour break, 1215-1315. orientation run
5. 2100-2230 -> watched "spanglish" =)
6. ceremony. stood really still really long.
7. weapon strip/assembly. fun.
8. went to medical centre for fungus treatment. best 2.4 time: 10:50
9. 45 minutes admin time =)
10.D-Day has arrived. Jerris new platoon i/c. AGR. andy's H/P gone. Route March (RM)
11.1 hour siesta, 2 hours admin time b4 lights out =D
12.sat together with Alex at LT. 84 pushups???
13.Poncho vs. grounsheet =) the "discipline" prayer
14.bad route march
15."crazy 1km run wuth gun and SBO"
16.
17.confinement's OVER! =)
ya, that's how roughly the 1st 2 weeks ended. took note of all the admin time, to show how slack scorpion comany is =p only took note of interesting things, not the training and all that.
SamWise2000 [5/22/2005 11:53:00 PM]
******
